Gakusei Travels

What people don’t tell you about studying abroad

I’ve been in Japan for two weeks now, going on three. We’re near the end of the month, and I’ve seen and did a lot. I’ve meet some cool people. I’ve done some fun things and tried some delicious food, but that’s all just the exterior. On the outside, life looks like fun, but in all honesty, adapting to living in a foreign country is harder than people realize. I truly underestimated the things I’d feel. To sum it up, living in a foreign country can be one thing:

Lonely.

Everyday, doing just basic life skills is a challenge. The other day, it took me 12 hours to do my laundry, because I couldn’t figure out how to work the dryer. After two hours of trying to dry my socks without success, I went crying to Sam, asking for help. I started laundry at 9am and didn’t finish my last load until 9pm.

I hate going to the grocery store for a number of reasons. One, I can never find what I need. I can’t read most of the kanji on the packaging, so I’m using Google translate to try to figure out what I’m buying. Two, certain things I cannot find at a Japanese supermarket, so I have trouble deciding what to cook. I’ve wanted tacos for a week, but I’ve yet to find any tortillas. Three, I can’t put my load of groceries in the trunk of my car and drive off. I have to lug everything on to the train, so most times I’m stuffing what I can into my backpack so that I have less plastic bags to carry. I don’t want to inconvenience other passengers, and quite honestly, myself too.

It’s also quite difficult to make friends here. Many of the Japanese students don’t really interact with me. If I see them in the hall, the most I get is a quick nod of acknowledgment and they move on. Now, I don’t personally take offense to this. Japan is not a culture of small talk, but this does become frustrating when you need help working the dryer, and people almost seem to avoid talking to you when you so painfully and clearly need help. I know not everyone’s English is the best, and my Japanese surely isn’t either, but I will gladly play charades or use Google translate to get my point across. It seems like in America, if you’re struggling with something, people willingly and graciously ask do you need help. In Japan, it feels kind of like people ignore you. Again, I know it’s not intentional, but when you’ve been trying to dry the same pair of socks for two hours without success, you feel like you’re about to lose it.

If the lack of approach doesn’t defer you from meeting another student, then the language barrier will. I went to a dance club meeting the other day. My dorm neighbor actually invited me to her club, and because I really want to make friends here, I agreed even though I’m not the best dancer. While her club members were super kind and did their best to speak English when I didn’t understand, it’s so hard not to feel like the outsider. We went to dinner after practice, and while they did their best to talk to me, I often felt isolated from the group due to my inability to understand Japanese fluently. You really feel like you’re left out of the conversation when everyone is laughing and you didn’t get the joke, let alone understand what was said. Granted, again, the club members did their best to include me, which I am super grateful for, but it’s hard not to feel like the odd man out.

At the end of the day, I’m living in Japan. I’m not on vacation. I’m not just a tourist. I’m here as a student to take classes and live as a college student like everyone else. But it is so hard to do sometimes when you have no one to turn to for help navigating the things you feel like you should already know how to do (i.e doing your own laundry). I’m trying my best to be patient with myself as it is a learning process, but I’m someone who is hyper-independent and wants to do everything on their own. It’s hard to ask for help in general, and then trying to do that in Japanese is quite humbling sometimes.

My school teaches me all about culture shock and things to expect to see. “Oh, Japan does this so be prepared.” Well that really doesn’t surprise me now when I see it, because I knew what to expect even if I still found certain things odd. But no one really prepares you for this feeling of isolation or how to cope with it. Japan isn’t just this magical place where all your problems will disappear once you go there. If anything, your problems may be intensified if you don’t have your usual support system, which is why I’m grateful that my mom was just a phone call away to talk me down.

I know with time, things will get easier. My neighbor has already invited me to another club meeting. It’s just this storm right now is really difficult, and being honest with myself in how I’m feeling is equally difficult to acknowledge. Studying abroad is hard. Not just in navigating the train or trying to speak the language. It’s hard trying to figure out your new sense of normal and the new challenges that come with it.